Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
