So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
