hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
