You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
