it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
