ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just gift wrapped bread.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
