I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
A bitchslap is in order.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
