I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
id be glad to
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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