oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
