I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
