ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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