Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
