dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
