drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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