Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
