ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
