i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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