why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
