At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
