I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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