also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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