I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
