I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
