Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
