I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
