i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
