I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
