guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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