as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
