benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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