i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
