They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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