at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
