Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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