Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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