a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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