she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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