she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
