WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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