i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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