Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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