what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
