You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
