I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
