I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
