We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
