would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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