u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
