dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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