Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
