Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
