Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
