So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
